I am a meat eater.

I’m not opposed to vegetarians; I just rather enjoy my free hams.  However, Vegans—the militant, paraphernalia-wearing type, mind you—annoy the hell out of me.

Dear Militant, Paraphernalia Vegan types, if ethical eating is your bag, please read this article:

“But before we cede the entire moral penthouse to ‘committed vegetarians’ and ‘strong ethical vegans,’ we might consider that plants no more aspire to being stir-fried in a wok than a hog aspires to being peppercorn-studded in my Christmas clay pot.”